Wephepper – It’s Hot and Gross
The truth behind the UFO seen streaking over the Mexican desert has finally been uncovered by UnimaginativeBubkis.com. After a shallowly in-depth investigation, extensive tequila drinking and gambling, Jose Worman reports on Triumph Twit and the mysterious Wephepper.
The Man Behind Wephepper
Triumph Twit, a bumbling expat who lives on a cactus at the heart of the Mexican Desert, was found to be the source of the UFO disturbance that caused waves all over the world last week, as well as the reason behind the complaints issued by the Buzzard Council to the High Commission yesterday.
When interviewed and asked the reasons behind his recent behavior, Twit claimed to have discovered a puce colored, not-quite berry that can only be seen at a right angle, when one stand’s on one’s head on a flowering cactus. He named this strange growth a Wephepper, after his little toe which was of similar size.
After having watched the Wephepper for several days and not seeing any change, except for it jumping off its stalk and dancing the hula at night, Twit decided to make contact. So, that night when the unsuspecting Wephepper was dancing, Twit took a deep breath ingesting the not-quite berry.
“It was the hottest thing that I’ve ever tasted,” said Twit shuddering while grinning foolishly. “I don’t know what happened, one second I was breathing in the Wephepper and the next I felt like I’d swallowed the Sun and was shooting across the desert, with what I’m pretty sure was a vulture on my head.”
What The SAAOP Had to Say
When the SAAOP (Society Against the Abuse Of Peppers) was asked what they thought of Twit’s story, the Chairman claimed the act to be pointlessly violent on Twit’s part.
“The Wephepper, or as we like to call it the Hepwhepper is being studied by our community and has fascinated scientists for several years. This not-quite berry is essentially of the pepper family, and is currently the hottest pepper in the world. Recent discoveries have shown us that if a person wishes to ingest a Wephepper he must first do the hula with the little beastie so as not to get launched into space. After much study, we have determined that the Wephepper takes ingestion without prior dancing as a hostile act, and releases all its heat at once,” the Chairman chuckles.
