Clack Clack: Chrome Motha Fucka!!
September 5, 2008 – 4:00 pmAll over the interwebs people have been talking about Google’s new browser.
Look how fast the tabs open!
Look how I can drag things around!
Ah man, no plug-ins yet!
Is Google tracking my activity?
Wow, how predictable can you people be? Don’t you see the overlying message here? Am I the only one that sees what is going on at Camp Google? I feel like that guy from the original Twilight Zone where he is the same but everyone around him is different. (George: Which one is that?) (Jerry: Ah, they were all like that.)
What everyone is missing, but I have cleverly discovered, is Google’s blatant attempt at the hip hop community. That’s right - I said it.
It is no secret that marketing firms turn to the hip hop community to see what the future will look like. For twenty years rap music and the b-boy culture have been setting trends from the inner cities to the suburbs. But who would have thought that a search giant like Google would focus their marketing efforts at this demographic. That is just how smart Google truly is.
Wait, you don’t subscribe to my theory? Okay…proof:
First, let’s take a look at Google’s product line; G Mail, G Chat, G Docs, G Calendar - as Snoop would say, “How Gangsta!” And don’t think that the hip hop community hasn’t taken notice. Of course every rapper would want their email to be drdre@Gmail.com (that’s not real, but will now be spammed anyways). Don’t believe me - take a listen to this clip from the song Can U Werk Widat by Dj Quik and AMG (some of the originators of west coast gangsta rap):
Second, let’s take a closer look at the man who has put himself as the spokesperson for the Google Algo: Matt Cutts. Coincidence that his initials are MC? See: MC Hammer, MC Lyte, MC Breed…nuff said.
This brings me to Google Chrome. Not up on your hip hop lingo, then read: Urban Dictionary - Chrome.
Not sure what a Firefox is, and I guess Safari is kind of related to searching for something; but what the F does Chrome have to do with searching the internet? Nothing. It is simply the O.G. (Google) telling all competition that they are rollin’ out, chrome blazin’!
So finally, since I know how much interweb users need to read all of their information in list form: The Secret Gangsta Products Coming Out Of Google Labs Next
5. Google Ice
Reader: Are you telling me that all you’re giving us for Google Ice is a poorly Photoshopp’d image of a diamond studded Google logo?
Frank: Yes, that’s how I roll.
4. Google Weed
Have you ever typed in your own address on Google Maps and zoomed in all the way in satellite mode? Have you ever typed your own address on Google Maps and zoomed in all the way in satellite mode on GOOGLE WEED MAN?? Is that my truck? Wait, when was this taken? Was I even living there then? Yeah, I’ve been living here for awhile. Wait, my truck is dark green; and that truck looks like it might be some kind of blue color. Whose truck is that in my driveway? Whose fuckin truck is that???
3. FUBG
Or wait, has Google already begun their secret infiltration of hip hop clothing, see: Coogi.
2. Google Bitches and Hoes
I’m not even sure how this is a product. And frankly, I am disgusted that Google is planning to branch out into the pimp game. I’m not even sure how related this is to mainstream hip hop. Shame on you Google.
1. Google Coolio
Before you say anything, take a look at how nice those two names look next to each other. It almost looks like they were made for each other. And Coolio? That guy will do anything for a couple bucks and some Google Weed, see: Cookin’ With Coolio.
You may have been wondering when Google would finally adopt a mascot and what mascot they would choose. Firefox has a dragon (btw, a dragon? a MFing dragon? come on Firefox, what is that all about anyways?). Microsoft has a paperclip (that may not be the entire story, but Paul Harvey won’t return my emails). Apple has the kid from Dodgeball…yeah, the one that takes the wrench to the balls. Netscape has a…ah who gives a shit about Netscape. And now, Google, the largest search site on the web, has Coolio! See: G’s Paradise.
FRANK
2 Responses to “Clack Clack: Chrome Motha Fucka!!”
“a dragon? a MFing dragon? come on Firefox, what is that all about anyways?”
I figured it was a pretty obvious reference to DtheDragon, of Wu Tang affiliates, Zu Ninjaz. No?
By Simon on Sep 6, 2008
I was just corrected by Bregan…
Firefox’s mascot is in fact a flame-butted Fox - it is the company that makes Firefox who uses the dragon. I am so ashamed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mozilla_(mascot)
By Frank on Sep 8, 2008